SUS, 24:  “I WAS AFRAID IT COULD TURN INTO ABUSE”, 1980S

The following interview with twenty-four-year-old Sus, a Danish boy-lover was published in Denmark in 1986 in Forbrydelse uden offer, edited by the “Trobriands” collective of authors and translated from the Danish by Dr. E. Brongersma in 1992 as Crime without Victims.^[1]

The relationship described can hardly have taken place earlier than the decade of publication, since Sus was apparently then a man in charge of children, and he was only 24 at the date of publication. The interview was conducted by P. Schmidt and K. Hansen, apparently two of the unnamed authors.

"I was afraid that it could turn into abuse"

I was living in a commune, and there was a 13-year-old boy there at the time. He and I developed a special relationship with each other. If he needed some kind of physical contact or protection, he turned to me - and to nobody else. And it was somewhat awkward. Often, after I put my children to bed for their afternoon nap, he would come and lie down on my bed, pretending he was tired and wanted to sleep. My bed was rather small, so it was really very nice. We would lie close together, part upon and part under each other, and chat about all kinds of things. As time went on we began to caress each other, gently stroking each other's neck and so on. Completely harmless. And then one day I realised that I was in love with him, and that he was also in love with me.

How did you come to realise this?

I discovered that I missed him when he wasn't with me. I was concerned about him. I worried a lot about whether he was happy - that sort of thing. Then one day he told me he wanted to sleep with me. We discussed this at great length. I didn't think it was such a good idea. I had a lover at the time. And he knew some girls of his own age; I suggested that he see if he could sleep with them. He told me that he had already tried. He had gone to bed with two cousins when he was 12.

One day we went to my bed to have our usual nap. It was during the Easter holidays. We had been to the movies and had had a wonderful time. We were just lying there, touching each other, and then all of a sudden we were fucking. It was a fantastically fine experience. I didn't get the impression that this was an inexperienced boy I was sleeping with. I was amazed. We made love all night long, and since then we have slept with each other regularly.

Didn't you have any scruples about his being a minor?

Yes, I did. First and foremost, because he was a boy with emotional problems and was dependent on me, I was afraid our relationship could turn into abuse. We have talked a lot about this, that we should never allow that to happen. The premises were to be very clear.

Do you think there are other people in a similar position to yours, but who abstain because of the law, out of moral considerations, etc.?

I know a woman of 28 who fell in love with a boy of 15. She didn't know how to deal with it. She couldn't control it. The man she was engaged to didn't mind very much. She lived in the same commune. We talked a lot about it and came to the conclusion that it would be best if she went away for a short time. Because it was also a big problem for the boy. He had a very jealous nature. She never went to bed with him, but her feelings for the boy were similar to those I had.

I've discussed this a lot with men. They all say that they too - at the age of fourteen or fifteen - wanted to go to bed with an older woman, but that they thought it was wrong to do such things. They were very divided about it.

But the community accepted it?

Yes. Well, we didn't tell people in so many words just how far we went with each other, but it wasn't particularly difficult to see. We didn't hide our feelings; we showered together, were often openly affectionate with each other, gave one another full body massages when we felt like it.

In the commune we didn't usually talk about who had intercourse with whom, but everybody knew that we lay in bed caressing each other because they could see it with their own eyes. The door would always be open.

[1] Published by Global Academic Publishers, Amsterdam in 1993.

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