RITES OF INITIATION IN WESTERN SOCIETY
BY EDWARD BRONGERSMA

“In Western Society” is the last of the three parts of “Rites of Initiation”, the fourth section of “Boys and their Sexuality”, the third chapter of Loving Boys, the encyclopaedic study of Greek love by the eminent Dutch lawyer, Edward Brongersma, of which the first volume (including this) was published by Global Academic Publishers in New York in 1986.

Why have we gone into such detail about traditions far removed from the experience of youth in our society?

It would seem that people of our western civilisation, where nations do battle with napalm and nuclear weapons, have less need to harden their boys against pain and injury than do people of the primitive warrior and hunting tribes, threatened as they frequently are in lonely spots by dangerous animals or the spears and arrows of enemies. Among such peoples courage is suffering pain without flinching; our courage, on the other hand, is demonstrated by hurting others.^[1] But it isn’t the courageous bearing of pain which is crucial to our thesis; rather it is the quite positive attitude in such primitive societies towards sex. When a boy suddenly begins to ejaculate semen, gives evidence of being randy, his family and the whole neighbourhood rejoice. Everybody talks about this great event and is glad. Part of the rites is instruction in how the boy should make the best use of this male organ of his which has suddenly grown so dramatically. He is taught the best ways to give pleasure to women; everything is done to smooth his path in this learning process. And it’s all closely linked to the natural evolution of his body: the sensationally rapid growth and increased sensitivity of the penis, the sprouting of pubic hair, spontaneous and ineluctable erections, erotic dreams, all drawing the pubertal boy’s attention to his newly acquired sexual capacities. Thus boys eagerly and joyously look forward to the initiation which will make them officially men, accepted as full members of the tribe, despite the pain and suffering which accompanies it.^[2] We never hear of their taking their own lives out of fear of the coming trials, while in our own youth-loving occidental civilisation a wave of adolescent suicides takes place every examination time in our schools and universities.^[3] Western Germany reports that every spring about 500 youngsters between 11 and 19 years of age commit suicide out of fear of bad marks or failure at school.^[4]

What our civilisation has substituted for traditional tribal initiation is not just meagre but is actually harmful.

Loving parents are usually proud of their children’s development: the baby’s first smile, so sweetly sung in Latin poetry, was the inspiration of a fine essay by the leading Dutch psychologist Buytendijk. Many a mother has kept a ‘baby diary’ in which she carefully records baby’s first steps, first words, first phrases. Later there is progress at school: the first writing, the first book the child has read for himself, awards at sports. The child learns to swim, ride a bicycle. Each step on the way to adulthood is noted with pride by father and mother.

And then, suddenly, an even greater event occurs, one which the child perceives as uncommonly important – the growth and maturation of his genitals – and it is passed by in embarrassed silence.

Children are extremely sensitive to the real underlying feelings and attitudes of those who bring them up; they are more impressed by these than by what is actually said. Fine talk about the sublime mystery of procreation or the sanctity of matrimonial love cannot hide parental embarrassment over sexuality and is hardly a substitute for sexual discussion. The son responds: the bulge in his trousers, the visibility of his erections, semen stains on his bedsheets and underwear are cause for anxiety.

Until about two centuries ago children were in no need of special sexual instruction. The entire family, including servants and guests, generally slept together in one big room. Nakedness at home was as common and accepted as in the bath houses of the time. Even as late as the 17th Century one could see women going about bare-breasted in the centre of the towns, and even naked men entering the bath-houses.^[5] Petting, intercourse, birth and death all took place in the common room; children learned the ‘facts of life’ by observation.^[6] All this changed with the rise of the bourgeoisie. Soon it was only in the country that children could watch the sexual activities of animals and so come to at least a partial understanding of how it went with human beings.

75  A New Zealand farm boy says, “We used to laugh at the city kids. They would come on holiday – relatives of neighbours. And they’d come over to my uncle’s to get milk and every time they saw a bull fucking, especially the boys, they’d stop and they’d crack a fat themselves. We’d be busy in the shed and we’d see them leaning on the rails watching this bull fucking and cracking a fat while they were watching.^[7]

In bourgeois society, under the fatal influence of Rousseau^[8] children became for the first time a separate caste of humanity to which was attached the label of “innocence” – meaning ignorance of and being untouched by anything sexual. A revised code of ethics was constructed to conform to this new philosophy; the pious were persuaded that it was Christian and traditional. If one criticised this sudden and terrible distortion of human nature, one’s doubts were thought to be inspired by the devil himself!

Ever since, the protagonists of these ethics have grimly opposed every sort of sexual instruction for the young. Sporadically and locally their battle continues. Some people still cling to the astonishing opinion that in bringing up a child this extremely important event is best skipped over in silence, that one should keep youth ignorant in order to prevent “bad thoughts”. Actually, such opinions aren’t limited to Christians: the influential Soviet Russian pedagogue Makarenko voiced exactly the same ideas.^[9] All spiritual and secular dictatorships, in their zeal to keep young people ignorant and repress their sexual outlets, meet easily on this particular plane.

And where, here and there, the idea of sexual instruction has overcome societal resistance, it has gained for the most part only a Pyrrhic victory. In sex education classes in school the mechanics of procreation are more or less amply illustrated. Now, it goes without saying that this is an interesting subject, but for children it is no more important than information about digestion, say, or blood circulation. And not a word is said about the most important accompanying phenomena: the sensations experienced during intercourse and other kinds of sexual activity. The child is told nothing about what he soon will feel, or feels already: sex hunger and lust. Besides, all of this, he is told, is not for him; it is reserved exclusively for adults. Abstinence is hammered home with the severest of threats: there’s the danger of pregnancy, the peril of venereal diseases.

76  Father to son: “Did they give you sexual instruction at school?” Son: “Yes. Three times. First came the doctor who told us what we shouldn’t do. Then came the preacher who told us why we shouldn’t do it. And finally the headmaster, who told us where we shouldn’t do it.” Little boy to his chum, after having had a lesson about sex: “It seems to be awfully complicated!” Other boy: “Yes, and you’re not even supposed to laugh!”

In this and many other ways, our civilisation imposes upon its young people a horrible loneliness about sex. What primitive people see as a source of joy and pride, we pervert into a source of frustration, anxiety and worry. It is part of the strange, materialistic views of our civilisation that physical torture is seen as cruel while mental torture is easily reconciled with our humanitarian ideals: it is cruel to cut off a thief’s hands, but it is humane to lock him up for years in a lonely prison cell. Readers who were shocked by our description of puberty rites should think about the cruelty our civilisation imposes upon most boys by deliberately keeping them sexually ignorant and thus in a continuous state of inner turmoil.

The purpose of the transitory pains and tribulations of primitive initiation rites is to make the boy a better sexual partner, so that he can give and receive more pleasure with his sex contacts. The repressive attitudes endemic in our civilisation, on the contrary, often not only turn puberty into a torment but reduce forevermore a person’s chances of marital happiness and sexual pleasure, as Frenken’s research^[10] so convincingly demonstrated. Only unhappiness is the result.

There is a way out, even in our society. There are some discerning parents who understand not only their own private sexual needs but also those of their children.

77  A Dutch boy, well prepared for what soon would happen, ran in great excitement to his father to tell him that for the first time he had ejaculated during mas-turbation. The parents threw a small dinner party for him, inviting a few trusted friends; everyone drank to the boy’s health and congratulated him.

78  Another Dutch family celebrated the first intercourse of their son in the same way.

79  The fifteen-year-old son of an Amsterdam workman came home late for dinner one night. His mother began to scold him, but the boy broke in to explain that just as he was about to leave the home of one of the girls in his class – they had been doing their homework together – she had informed him that they were alone in the house and she wished to show him her bedroom. At this point the youngster’s 12-year-old brother began to snigger. Soon the parents were laughing, too, and the father said, “You’re forgiven. It would have been silly to have missed such a chance. Fucking is good for your health!”

80  In the living room of a fourth family, ardent naturists, all, hangs a picture of their fifteen-year-old son on a nudist beach. Quite obviously the photographer had taken care to feature conspicuously in the foreground the boy’s large penis. The boy is proud of this photo, invariably draws attention to it when his classmates, boys and girls both, come to visit. When he goes to a party or out on a date his mother reminds him, “Don’t forget to put some condoms in your pocket.”

81  The editor of an American periodical which included descriptions of gay sex received this letter from a man who had discovered his son reading old copies of the magazine in his basement: “Now I know why he’s been walking around with a hard-on most of the time. It also makes me wonder now why he’s been taking the young kid next door down in our basement so often. You have a most wicked and delightful publication.^[11]

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all parents could be as proud of their son having strong, large, well-formed genitals as of him having a fine mind and physique?

82 A German mother once showed me photos taken at a nudist camp that she and her fourteen-year-old son had visited for a few weeks. She observed, “Thorsten’s penis was bigger than any of the other boys’. He gets that from his late father, who had a large one, too. Thorsten likes people to admire it. Whenever he and his school-mates have a party here at home he tries to get them to play strip poker – and then cheats in order to lose so he can be the first to cast off his clothes!”

In another German home, the father presented his thirteen-year-old son to a visitor. As the guest marvelled at how big and virile the boy had become, the father replied, with a smile, “Yes, he’s incredibly developed for his age. I don’t know where he gets that from, but his penis is already much longer and thicker than mine.”

Boys brought up in such an atmosphere will certainly have little difficulty discussing their sexual desires and thoughts, and any problems which might come up, with their parents. But others, hearing their parents say, “You can talk about anything with us – you can be confident that we will give you any information you need”, sense the real reluctance, the fear, the timidity underlying such a declaration. And such parents are far from being the worst: many never even touch upon the subject of sex and are visibly shocked at any allusion to it. How difficult, then, it is for the boy to develop a well-conducted and fully human sexual life. Many never do, thanks to the highly moralistic upbringing by their parents.

Continue to The Beginning of Sexual Relations

^[1] Borneman, E., Lexikon der Liebe, Frankfurt: Ullstein, 1978, 1037. [Author’s reference]

^[2] Schérer, R., Une érotique puérile.  Paris: Galilée, 1978, 53. [Author’s reference]

^[3] Morris, D., The Human Zoo. New York: Dell, 1976, 190-191. [Author’s reference]

^[4] Wafelbakker, F., De top-twintig van de adolescent. Nederlands Tijdschrift voor Geneeskunde 122, 40: 1483-1490, 1978, 1487. [Author’s reference]

^[5] Dasberg, L., Grootbrengen door kleinhouden als historisch verschijnsel. Meppel: Boom, 1975, 35. [Author’s reference]

^[6] Schérer, R., Emile perverti.  Paris: Laffont, 1974, 141-143. [Author’s reference]

^[7] Tuohy, F. & Murphy, M., Down Under the Plum Trees, Waiura,New Zealand: Alister Taylor, 1976, 135. [Author’s reference]

^[8] Kentler, H., Sexual-erziehung. Reinbek: Rowohlt, 1970, 105-106. [Author’s reference]

^[9] Grassel, H., Jugend–Sexualität–Erziehung. Berlin: Staatsverlag der Deutschen Demokratischen Republik, 1967, 144. [Author’s reference]

^[10] Frenken, J., Afkeer van seksualiteit. Deventer: Van Loghum Slaterus, 1976, [Author’s reference] 

^[11] McDonald, B., Meat. San Francisco: Gay Sunshine, 1981, 189. [Author’s reference]